What children learn when their mothers have interests

When your child sees you reading a novel, practicing an instrument, or trying to keep a plant alive, what do they notice?

They might see something they want to join. They might wonder why you find it interesting. …Or… they might ask you to stop and get them a snack. 😅

But these ordinary moments also offer a glimpse to them as someone who enjoys things, asks questions, and learns. It introduces them to you as a person beyond just being their mommy.

Since Versa is a community full of women with unique interests and ambitions, I set out to research the following question: What might children learn when they see their mothers pursuing interests of their own?

Most of the relevant studies examine parents or adult role models generally, rather than mothers’ hobbies specifically. They don’t establish that taking up painting or tennis produces a particular kind of child.

However, they do offer some interesting evidence about enjoyment, practice, and exploration.

Enjoyment: Something can be worth doing because you like it

Children encounter plenty of activities with an external goal: finish the assignment, earn the grade, win the game.

Seeing you absorbed in something you enjoy offers another example of why people do things beyond outside validation.

A large Chilean study found that parents’ reading motivation and leisure-reading frequency were associated with their children’s motivation to read, even after accounting for factors including previous reading achievement and classmates’ motivation. [1]

A separate study of 177 preschoolers in China also found that parental modeling of reading behavior was associated with children’s intrinsic reading motivation—the desire to read for the enjoyment or interest of it. [2]

Neither study means that reading in front of your child guarantees they will become a reader. But both suggest that children’s relationship with an activity is connected to the environment around it, including the example adults provide.

There is something different about hearing “Reading is important” and seeing someone reluctant to put down a book because she wants to know what happens next.

The broader possibility is appealing: your enjoyment can make an interest visible as a source of pleasure.

You can bake because you like experimenting with flavors. Learn about ancient history because a question caught your attention. Play music without performing for anyone.

Your child may develop entirely different interests. They still get to see what it looks like to care about something.

Practice: Adults have to learn, too

Children often encounter adults doing things they have already learned to do.

We drive, cook, write messages, and tie shoelaces with a fluency that can conceal how much practice came before.

A new interest can make the learning process visible again.

In a 2017 experiment, 15-month-old infants watched an adult either persist through difficulty before accomplishing goals or accomplish them effortlessly. Infants who watched the adult persist subsequently made more attempts at a different task themselves. [3]

This study shows that even very young children can use an adult’s effort as information about how hard to try.

That makes the unfinished parts of an interest worth considering.

Your child might hear you play a difficult passage several times. See you unpick a seam. Watch you look up why a recipe failed.

You don’t have to turn the moment into a lesson. A simple explanation can make what is happening understandable:

“I haven’t figured this part out yet. I’m going to try it more slowly.”

Or:

“That approach didn’t work. I wonder what I could change.”

Those are practical applications of the research, rather than scripts the study tested. The idea is to let children see some of the process behind a skill.

Being interested in something doesn’t require being immediately good at it. Adults can be beginners, too.

Exploration: A question can be the beginning of something

Having an interest also gives you questions to follow.

Why does this plant close its leaves? Who lived in that building? What makes this song sound familiar?

Research on children’s curiosity suggests that the way adults respond to questions and interests matters.

In a Japanese study of 244 caregivers of children aged 3–12, parental responsiveness was associated with children’s curiosity about information and ideas. Most participants were mothers. However, caregivers reported both their own parenting and their children’s curiosity, and the study measured them at one point in time. It could not determine which caused which. [4]

This evidence concerns responsive interaction more directly than a parent having an independent hobby.

Still, your own interests can offer natural openings for that interaction: something you noticed, something you don’t understand, or something you would like to investigate.

“I don’t know. Shall we find out?”

And sometimes:

“I’m curious about this, so I’m going to read a little more.”

Your child doesn’t have to share the fascination. One possible lesson is simply that adults continue to have questions and that learning extends beyond school.

They don’t have to become interested in what interests you

It is tempting to turn all of this into a promise: if children see us reading, exercising, or making things, they will follow.

The evidence is less predictable.

For example, a systematic review found that most studies showed a weak positive relationship between parents’ and children’s physical activity levels. An active parent did not inevitably have an active child. [5]

Our examples are part of children’s surroundings. They also have their own preferences, relationships, and opportunities.

That leaves room for something less demanding: letting them encounter your interests without needing those interests to become theirs.

You might love museums and have a child who would rather build a skateboard ramp. You can recognize the pleasure of getting absorbed in something, even when the something is different.

And there is one point I don’t want to lose in the research:

Your interests don’t need to improve your child’s development to deserve a place in your life.

You are allowed to enjoy them for yourself. They can happen when your child is elsewhere. They don’t need to become an activity, a demonstration, or another thing to do correctly as a mother.

But when other parts of that life are visible, your child gets to see you enjoying, practicing, and exploring.

A person who is still learning.

What is something you would like your child to know you love?

Hit reply. I’d love to hear.

With love,
Jacqueline

Research and further reading

[1] Cubillos et al. — “A Chip Off the Old Block: Do Reading-Motivated Parents Raise Reading-Motivated Children?”A large observational study examining associations between parents’ reading motivation, leisure reading, and children’s reading motivation. Read the study.

[2] “Intrinsic reading motivation of Chinese preschoolers and its relationships with home literacy.”A study of 177 preschoolers examining parental reading models and other features of the home literacy environment. Read the abstract.

[3] Leonard, J. A., Lee, Y., & Schulz, L. E. (2017). “Infants make more attempts to achieve a goal when they see adults persist.”An experiment examining how observing adult effort affected infants’ subsequent attempts at a different task. Read the abstract.

[4] Iwasaki, S., Moriguchi, Y., & Sekiyama, K. (2023). “Parental responsiveness and children’s trait epistemic curiosity.”A cross-sectional caregiver-report study examining responsiveness and curiosity among children aged 3–12. Read the study.

[5] “Association between parent and child physical activity: A systematic review” (2020).A review finding that the majority of included studies showed a weak positive association between parent and child activity levels. Read the abstract.